I Hate Talking Dogs
I Hate Talking Dogs
A Poem by Michael Raileanu
I hate talking dogs,
Talking chickens and talking frogs.
Commercials use them and it makes me mad
Seeing them makes me feel really sad.
I hate talking cats, monkeys and moose,
I’ve never met one out on the loose.
They’re not in my house, my yard or my car.
They’re not anywhere in my life, neither near nor far.
I hate talking serpents when they smile and hiss
I hate talking insects looking for a sweet, little kiss.
I hate talking owls, oh they’re so, so, so wise.
I hate talking elephants with those big droopy eyes.
I want to be clear about whom I’m not talking
Piggy and Kermit, them I am not mocking.
Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy
Their speech is as real as a horse is all hoof-y!
Squidward, Patrick, Spongebob and Crabs
Each of them I believe as each of them gabs.
Both Jiminy Cricket and Horton the Elephant
Speak truths so deep and ever so eloquent.
Eeyore, Bullwinkle and Winnie-the-Pooh
Are simple and kind and earnest and true.
These are not the animals that I detest,
They’re as real as the hairs on my big hairy chest.
Tennessee Tuxedo, Snagglepuss and Rocky
Smoothed out my childhood which was rather rocky.
It’s those darned fake ones that I do so detest,
Not these guys with whom my life has been blessed.
My favorite documentary might be thusly dumped
The Country Bears movie, my throat it was lumped.
I know what is real and I know what is not.
Morris the cat was a fake, a shill, what a rot!
The animals I hate are the ones who sell stuff;
Embarrassing piles of very fake fluff.
Nemo and Marlin and Dory are real
They speak to our hearts and make us all feel.
I wait for the day, the end of the fakery
For the end of the evil misguided ad snakery.
As for Alvin, Simon, Theodore and Tweety
My heart will remain as solid as concrete-y.