Where do kids get their Jewish Identity From?
Where do kids get their Jewish Identity?
By Michael Raileanu, M.A.Ed.
Where does a child get her or his Jewish identity? There are a number of possible answers but the bottom line is: they get it at home.
Jewish children can and should reinforce their identity in school (Hebrew, Religious or Day), summer camp (sleep-away or day) and amongst friends. They can also get it from what they watch on television, from the movies they see or the books they read. But these all pale when compared to sitting around the dinner table with their family.
If that table occasionally has a Shabbat dinner upon it, or is surrounded by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins; all the better. Children want to be with their family, most of them want to be like the people with whom they live. They listen to what their parents say and they watch, very carefully, what their parents do. If parents drive to synagogue begrudgingly the child will go that way. If parents tell kids that continuing Jewish education all the way through confirmation is not open to discussion, students will resign themselves to that reality and will benefit from it in the long run.
Children do not actively seek out identity that is a past time of middle age. However, they are sponges and soak up that which comes across their horizon. They willingly join their friends at Hebrew School, despite what they say, if they have friends at the school. The will put up with a great deal as long as they have friends where they are going and if their parents are 100% supportive of the endeavor.
Dr. Barry Chazan, of Spertus College in Chicago said at a recent Jewish Education Fair here in St. Louis, “Identity is not something you can teach someone; it develops within.” He is right and wrong. It does develop within but he is wrong because we can teach it by living it in front of our children every day. We can show our children that we are proud Jews. When we give tsedakkah, participate in tikkun olam projects, light Shabbat candles or give them a big hug and a wet, gushy kiss after attending services together we are teaching. We cannot plant a strawberry bush, even in the best soil, and just walk away and expect to enjoy the sweet fruit months or years later. So too it is with our children. We cannot send them to schools, camps, youth groups and expect them to come out as self-identifying Jews. No, we must actively engage our children. The schools, the camps, and the youth groups are all very important and as parents we must insist that they be as good as they can be; but we cannot forsake our duty to our children.
By the way, Jewish in this context is open to your interpretation. So is family.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and close family friends, none of you are off the hook either. No matter your definition of Jewish or family, you must do all you can to show the children in that family what Jewish identity means to you. What are you going to do for that child to reinforce Judaism? What will you do with that child to help her develop her own Jewish identity? What plans are you making for next summer or the summer after that will show the child about whom you are currently thinking that Jewish identity is a family venture? It is how you answer these questions that will determine the influence you have on that child. Do not underestimate the influence you have. Those little eyes are watching you; that little heart is reaching out to you. Don’t miss your chance, families; the future of the Jewish people depends on you!